Client: Northern California Parent Magazine

As a society, our definition of family has changed radically in the 40 years since Ward and June Cleaver, representing an American ideal, played out their traditional roles on television. Today, approximately 16 million American children live in single parent households and a large number of those children belong to "Bi-nuclear" families in which two parents, maintaining separate homes, actively take full responsibility for raising their children. While each child's need for love, patience and humor has not changed over the years, the loving, caring families who provide those elements now come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes as diverse and distinct as the colors of a rainbow.

Single parenting is without question one of the most difficult jobs imaginable. At any given time, one parent is solely responsible for the myriad demands of food, clothing, housing, schooling, and the emotional and financial support that a growing child requires. How, you may ask, can one person do it all?

When the alarm rings at 5:30 am, Lisa Witt hits the ground running. She is a single mother to Anthony, 6 and Joclyn, 8, as well as a full-time escrow officer at a large title company in Santa Rosa. At the end of her busy day, Lisa collects her children at daycare, cooks dinner, oversees homework and baths, does laundry and dishes and reads a story before saying good night. All of this on her own.

Lisa describes single parenting as “very stressful” at times, although, in the four years since she has been a single parent, she has gained some hard won but valuable insights. For instance, Lisa made the decision two years ago that spending time with her children was more important than keeping an immaculate house. She has also learned to ask for help with household chores. Both Lisa's children help by setting the dinner table, doing dishes and making beds. In single parent households, children learn early that they must pitch in and help in order for the family to run smoothly. It's a lesson in responsibility and duty they carry with them throughout their lives.

“Single parents always have to be strong, so you must take breaks for your own sanity,” says Lisa. Learning to avoid those very stressful situations can make a big difference in a single parent's life. The National Organization of Single Mothers offers some useful tips. Don't be fooled by the name. These tips are not exclusive to moms, single fathers can benefit from them as well.

• Learn to prioritize and compromise. If the choice is between the laundry and the floors--do the laundry and spot-clean the floors.
• Get organized! Use a filing system marked Urgent, ASAP and To Be Filed. After bills are paid, empty out the “To Be Filed” folder. Writing the file name on top of each piece of paper makes this an easy chore for older children.
• Make your children your first priority. Each day vow to spend 20 to 30 minutes of uninterrupted time with them. You will be rewarded 100 fold.
• Each day give yourself that much time as well. Read a book or write a letter to a friend. You must give to yourself just as you give to others.
• Delegate! If someone volunteers to help, jump at the chance. While independence is great, too much can lead to overload and burnout.
• Find a support network. Look to your childrens’ father, your friends or family. Also, local family agencies have single parent support groups and classes that can be real life savers.
• Write a list before you go to bed of “See No Failure” items for the next day. This list should not include housework, but bill paying or attending a child's much anticipated school event.
• Before going grocery shopping, take a few minutes to plan lunches and dinners for the upcoming week. Planning ahead will save on expensive last minute jaunts to the fast food window.
• Once a month make an enormous pot of spaghetti sauce, soup, stew, or other one-dish food your family loves. Get the music blasting and the kids helping. There's nothing like pulling out a ready-to-go-meal from the freezer on those nights when you don't feel like cooking.
• Above all else, DON'T waste time feeling guilty about things you can't get done. Do what you can, love your children passionately and enjoy your life. Tomorrow is another day.

Raising happy, well-adjusted children despite the complications of going it alone can be the most rewarding accomplishment of a parent's life. What is Lisa Witt's best advice on the subject of single parenting? “Work on yourself and your piece of mind, because if you don't have that you are ineffective as a parent and a person. If you're happy with yourself, the world is a much better place, single parent or not.”

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